Published in Slackjaw·Jan 2Hotline Help: My Wife’s Face Is Ugly!Thank you for contacting ‘The Ugly Mug I Married’ hotline. Before we begin — and because your safety is of utmost importance to us — I want to ensure that you are not being triggered or at risk of self-harm due to your wife’s face. If you are feeling any…Humor3 min readHumor3 min read
Nov 21, 2022Write Like You’re Wrangling Wild Horses and Burying BodiesThe dysfunctional Duttons of Yellowstone are back for a fifth season, and I’m hooked as a longhorn caught up in a wire fence. …Writing3 min readWriting3 min read
Jul 4, 2022Writing Our Way to IndependenceThose around me grow tired and roll their eyes at my unrelenting refrain: Words matter. Well, they can just flip their burgers this Fourth of July and tuck in for the picnic — because the fireworks and parades, concerts and flag-waving we enjoy today began with well-chosen, gracefully crafted words. …Indepence Day4 min readIndepence Day4 min read
May 26, 2022The Chicken, The Egg & Our Gun-Scrambled BrainsWe’ve had a couple of days to process the massacre of 19 children and two adults in Uvalde, Texas. …4 min read4 min read
Mar 24, 2022Why this Tar Heel is Going to Miss Coach KNo need to adjust your readers or check the calendar. April Fool’s Day hasn’t come early. We are still in the midst of the happiest, hoop-iest of seasons — March Madness. And what a raucous good time it’s been! …4 min read4 min read
Mar 11, 2022Pow! Bam!! Captain UkraineThe Superhero Producer Pitch Letter Salutations, Marty! Hope you’re doing well and have finally gotten over that Bouchon lunch check already. It’s been 11 months now and I did offer. You’re just too fast on the draw, buddy. Because you’re so on top of things — covering tabs with your Amex Platinum and zeroing in…Satire Ahead3 min readSatire Ahead3 min read
Feb 24, 2022Slava Ukraini!Long-ago Reflections and Thoughts for Today — Slava Ukraini! translates to Glory to Ukraine! It is a familiar salute in the country, and a wish being sent by millions across the globe today. The proud, exultant phrase stands in stark contrast to the alarming scenes broadcast from Ukraine: Plumes of black smoke. Bombed-out buildings. Air raid sirens…Ukraine5 min readUkraine5 min read
Feb 16, 2022What NOT to Say in a Post-Pandemic WorldThere are certain things that may never return post-pandemic: Salad bars. Mosh pits. Public drinking fountains. Handshakes and 40 hour in-office work weeks. Some we’ll miss, others not so much. There’s also a whole lexicon of business vernacular that must be quarantined indefinitely. For starters: 1. CROWDSOURCE. We get it…Satire2 min readSatire2 min read
Nov 27, 2021The Year Mom Served Cornish Hens for ThanksgivingWe had moved over the summer from upstate New York to North Carolina. It was a big change, to a small town, and we all — me, my two younger brothers, even my parents — were feeling a bit unmoored. We were far from loved ones, hadn’t yet fallen in…Thanksgiving4 min readThanksgiving4 min read
Aug 18, 2021YOLO, FOMO & Taking Chances with COVIDAren’t we sick and tired of it all? Tired of the coverage and daily counts? The buzz-kill precautions? Being housebound and unwound from the fun and freedom of before? We thought we had a bit of a reprieve with a vaccine that promised to end the madness and isolation. But…Covid5 min readCovid5 min read
